Dave and Lauren’s ‘Love Is Blind’ fight sparks ethical questions about dating

Should you take a break from dating before searching for your soulmate on “Love Is Blind”?

It’s a question that’s causing conflict for one couple in the latest season of the hit Netflix series.

After getting engaged sight unseen, David “Dave” Bettenburg and Lauren O’Brien jet away on a romantic getaway to Honduras. While enjoying a relaxing boat ride, the couple have a conversation about O’Brien’s dating history.

Bettenburg says he knows two of his fiancé’s exes, but she insists that said exes were never official boyfriends. Still, Bettenburg has a hard time reconciling the fact that O’Brien was recently talking to another guy before appearing on the show.

What went down during their conversation and what does a therapist have to say about the awkward interaction? We’re breaking it all down below.

Lauren and Dave’s conversation about exes

In a confessional interview, O’Brien shares her side of the story.

“I was talking to someone a couple of months ago, but I wouldn’t have said that I dated him. Dave has mutual friends with him. And then one of my really good friends lives with the guy that I used to date. So I was giving (Dave) names and he was like, ‘Oh I know him. I see him at the pool all the time,’” she says.

Back on the boat, Bettenburg asserts that it’s “a little weird” that he knows O’Brien’s exes.

“You know of them,“ she clarifies.

“Right and I don’t want that to affect our relationship when we go back (home),” he says.

O’Brien is curious to know why Bettenburg is feeling this way.

“Is any of it like because you know them you’re like, ‘Ok why was she into them and into me?’ Or like ‘What’s similar or different about us?’” she asks.

Bettenburg reassures O’Brien that he understands she’s been “attracted to a lot of different types of people” then explains what’s bothering him.

“I asked you if you were seeing anyone right before the experiment started. Hearing that, I was kind of like, ‘Ok,’” he says.

O’Brien then notes that it took “months” to learn if she was selected to appear on “Love Is Blind” and she didn’t feel like putting her life on hold while waiting.

“I remember thinking, ‘If things progress with this person, there’s no reason for me to go try to find a fiancé and a husband.’ The more time that I kind of casually spent with him, the more it solidified that I was like, ‘I’m not really invested in this relationship,’” she says.

O’Brien goes on to say she knew this other guy wasn’t “her person” and “was never a boyfriend.”

“He never met any of my friends. I never met any of his friends. It really was very casual,” she says.

Bettenburg listened before explaining why he’s feeling conflicted.

“It was just different because I haven’t had a girlfriend in like, four years. I’ve dated, but not seriously or anything. So, for me coming into this, I kind of thought everybody was going to be similar to that, like they really haven’t had a good time dating,” he says.

In a confessional interview, Bettenburg elaborates on his feelings, saying, “I think my head is more at like, ‘How do you go from seeing someone so recently to like I’m ready for a marriage?’ That just seems like a huge step in between.”

The topic looms heavy on the couple’s budding relationship as they move in together and meet each other’s inner circle. O’Brien’s friends even reassure Bettenburg that the guy Lauren was recently talking to wasn’t her official boyfriend.

A psychologist weighs in

Since marriage is the end goal of the “Love Is Blind” dating experiment, the question remains: Was Bettenburg justified in worrying that O’Brien might not be ready to settle down?

TODAY.com consulted Kelsey Latimer, a licensed psychologist and the founder and owner of KML Psychological Services, to get her thoughts.

“As a psychologist, I can certainly see why someone in Dave’s position would express concern, given that that he was quite explicit in his question of asking about prior relationships and felt that he did not get a clear answer from his partner,” Latimer says.

In any relationship, the psychologist recommends paying attention to any potential red flags and trusting your instincts. At the same time, she also suggests maintaining a “flexible point of view.”

“This means being open to hearing why someone didn’t say something about a prior relationship, as it is quite possible that it was not an omission of information or lie, but rather that the individual really did not see a casual dating experience as a relationship,” she says.

Should you take a break from dating before going on ‘Love Is Blind’?

Much like relationships, the answer is a bit complicated.

“In the real world setting, people date all the time before they meet ‘the one,’ so it is not an odd thing. The thing that is different here is that the people going on the show are essentially saying to themselves, ‘I am going to find my partner in this space.’ So continuing to date outside of that space probably should be further thought through,” Latimer says.

The psychologist notes that taking a break from dating before filming “Love Is Blind” is a “solid” idea.

“Having space away from dating could easily provide a clear head for really thinking about oneself and being in touch with the serious emotions that are likely to build as the experiment begins. Dating in the meantime could easily be seen as a distraction,” Latimer notes.

At the end of the day, everyone is different, so there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to preparing to participate in “Love Is Blind.”

“There are certainly scenarios where there may be no necessary reason to take space before going back to the dating world, especially if the dating relationship was casual and the breakup was mutual with no strong feelings,” Latimer says. “However, I would say that having space in between a serious relationship and potential new relationship is often quite important.”